Chapter 19
Competing or Complimenting?

You need to know, friends, that thanking God over and over for you is not only a pleasure; it’s a must.... Your faith is growing phenomenally; your love for each other is developing wonderfully. Why, it’s only right to give thanks. We’re so proud of you.

— 2 Thessalonians 1:3–4 (THB)

C.S. Lewis wrote, “We delight to praise what we enjoy because the praise not merely expresses but completes the enjoyment.... The delight is incomplete till it is expressed” (Italics added.) Complimenting and praising each other is a characteristic of a healthy married relationship.

As partners, we interact with each other many times a day. When one of us takes on a project, the other acts as a sounding board, recognizing sincere intention and effective action. If we don’t compliment our spouse, “The delight is incomplete till it is expressed.”

Joe Murray said, “Marriage should be a duet: When one sings, the other claps.” Is it shyness or self-centeredness that prevents us from complimenting each other more often? Or is it that little green-eyed imp of jealousy lurking somewhere in the corner of our heart, inciting us to competitiveness and rivalry?

In marriage, we need to replace feelings of adolescent competitiveness with new, God-grown maturity. Instead of competing, we have the unique opportunity to complement, that is, supplement each other’s gifts and strengths. Then we’ll likely compliment our partner, acknowledging both his or her efforts and the results of those efforts. We borrow God’s eyes to see him or her. We compliment her or him for faithfully using the gifts God has granted.

Complimenting another person heals the other person’s anxieties with love. Love sends fear running: “Such love has no fear because perfect love expels all fear” (1 John 4:18).

Let’s apply: After reading this devotion together, give your spouse a compliment. Again tomorrow say a simple word of affirmation on the phone, or write a note to him/her. Among the things to compliment him or her for, don’t forget to acknowledge his or her good judgment. You may notice how your compliment gave her or him some needed emotional rest.

Let’s pray together: Lord Jesus, by your Holy Spirit, help me to be quicker to notice my spouse, and how I may fulfill his/her needs. Free me from being overly engrossed in filling my own needs. Amen.